Sometimes

Sometimes I just need someone to tell me everything is going to be alright. That it's all going to be worth it in the end. That there is beauty in the wait.

Sometimes I just need someone to care at all. To ask how things are going and if there is anything I need help praying about. I desire that most of all. Sometimes I just need someone to understand, or at least try to. I often feel like I am fighting all alone. Sometimes I just wish people understood that this has NOTHING to do with me or Donnie at all. That it all has to do with being His hands and feet. And sometimes I wish people understood that this is not just our own personal desire. Sure, we love that God as called us into this adoption, but we struggle with people, God's people, not encouraging and supporting this cause for Him. Not fighting along side us to see God's plan unfold. I struggle understanding why some ministries and callings are expected to be supported while others are looked at differently. Treated differently. Sometimes I wish people understood that this hurts, and it's hard, and it can be uncomfortable. We promote and beg and plead with people to understand, to support, and it feels like all we are doing is annoying. And this has been a hard lesson to learn. 

But, I am so thankful I serve a God who is more. Who knows my heart and my struggles and loves me anyway. Who whispers His promises and reminds me daily that He is for me. No matter what and no matter who else is, He is. And He always will be. That this is His will. I've learned to ask for and find my strength and encouragement in Him. And He NEVER fails me. I am so thankful for that.

I've been struggling a lot lately. Not with our adoption or His call with it, but with His people. With the body. With my brothers and sisters everywhere. And honestly, I'm not one to say anything most of the time and I usually keep it all in because I don't want to offend or upset anyone, but deep inside I know the church needs to understand. Not just my church, the WHOLE church. You need to know that caring for the orphans is SO God. Adoption is the very thing He did for us. You need to know that those called into adoption see glimpses of what breaks our Father's heart. We feel more, we know more, and we hurt more when it comes to the fatherless because this is what He has put there. And we need your compassion, love, support, and encouragement. You need to know, again, that this has NOTHING to do with us. We are just vessels trying to do His will just like you. In whatever He has called you to do. We don't completely understand it and we are often uncomfortable even talking about it because we know you don't understand. Please try. We can't fight this alone. We are made for community. We desire community. We desire you..the body. Most of all, we desire your prayers.